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Missoula’s Library Has Much to Offer

It’s no wonder Missoula’s new library was named the world’s best public library by the International Federation of Library Associations in 2022, a year after it opened. The floor to ceiling windows on all four floors allow the natural light to spill in. Aside from books, movies and audiobooks to check out, the library has much to offer for all ages and range of interest.
Cam, the one year old boy I care for, and I go at least once a week. The children’s section on the second floor has an entire area for littles to run around, play kitchen, climb on soft benches. It doesn’t take long for Cam to run to the area for a little older children with a water play area and a soft slightly sloped platform for one years olds to practice running. Yesterday we made our way to the Spectrum space, an interactive science museum. As Cam and I put pegs in a giant bright light, a mother was making a large heart design with pegs. Her husband and two year old girl were on the other side of the board making shapes with magnets.
She introduced herself, “We are here visiting from Orlando, FL and just happened to discover this library.”
“I’m so glad you did, story time is tomorrow, but you do have Disney World.”
“But we don’t have a free library that offers all this.”

Even though I’m tired after a day of chasing a one year old, I made it back to the library for the evening family history writing class. Well worth it. A few weeks prior I attended a class on genealogy, learning how to search for ancestral records. Yes, I could get lost in research. Familysearch.org is free, you can access Ancestry.com for free if you are in the Missoula library. There is a genealogy section and Desiree is there to answer questions.

With winter coming I wanted to pick up knitting again. The library host a knitting group every Friday at noon. I went to be reminded how to cast on. Fingers occupied either knitting or crocheting, women of all ages looked up and welcomed me to come sit. “Oh Sandy can show you how to cast on.” For two hours as my fingers remembered, stories and stitches were shared.

Who knows, maybe I’ll make it to the yoga class on Thursdays or the introduction to podcasting class.

It Was a Good Trip, Back in the Hotel

After a three week trip to Oregon which was filled with fun, friends, laughing, crying, blackberry picking, blueberry picking, floating the river, floating in a bird sanctuary at sunset and good food I’m back to life at the hotel. I love my friends in Oregon so much. It was such a gift to have my health and energy that hasn’t been there for years so we could play.
I was ready to get back to the hotel where I live and check on Robert, the 84 year old owner, and the eighteen year old black kitty. Both of them are unique and getting old. Brenda, the kitty, has never had vaccines or check ups. Robert doesn’t go to the doctor unless it’s an emergency. He did get the Covid vaccines. Both of them are loners but sometimes like the company of others.
It was late afternoon when I climbed the stairs to my third floor room. Brenda, aka Black Kitty or Monkey, followed behind me into my room for the treat she knew was waiting for her. Once I kissed her on the nose, I headed to the second floor room just below mine. The news was blaring so I knew Robert was home. “Who’s there?” he hollered after my knock. I peeked in saying, “Frances”. He smiled, “Boy, am I glad to see you. I missed you, not only technically but emotionally.”
After our catch up conversation, I let him know I could do his laundry and I would make his favorite oatmeal in the morning. He grinned like a kid on the way to get ice cream. I’m guessing those are the “technical” reasons he missed me.
Last summer some dear friends came through town. On my visit to Oregon, Terry, shared the photos he had taken of the hotel. He captured the essence of the hotel that’s hard to describe until you see it, maybe something out of another time and place.

Dogs, Children and Healing

Summer is here and it’s filling up fast. Booked with pet sitting, baby sitting, cleaning my friend’s Airbnb for two weeks, some fun and a bit of travel. Not too many free days until September. That’s Ok, It’s great.

I’m OK with the fact that I’m not writing much. Writing has been such a friend through Covid, through grief and cancer. Writing has helped me see different perspectives, it’s helped me heal. And it’s always there. Through writing classes and groups I’ve made some invaluable friendships.

As I write, I am already thinking of what I need to do today and feel the urge to start doing them.

I did want to share an opportunity that came my way and will be helping with next Sunday. I am especially excited about it since it has three things I connect with; animals, children and healing. It’s organization to know about, maybe help where you can. The Arlee Rehabilitation Center, a sanctuary where animals heal people and people heal animals located in Pablo, MT.

ARC’s Pawsitively Healing Camp weeklong camp for Reservation children who have dealt with trauma is in need of volunteers with a dog of the right temperament to visit throughout the week. The dog I will be caring for is perfect and her owners love the idea. Don’t you love it when it all comes together with ease? A friend of mine, Kikki the dog and I will venture an hour north to Salish Kootenai College to bring some comfort to a child who needs it.

I do hope you enjoy these summer days. Thanks for reading.

Appreciating the Good in Life

Doing this thing called life and enjoying it, if I don’t listen to the news too much. Physically feeling good, better than I have in years. Winter is over, sunshine and warmth are in the foreseeable forecast.
Robert, the owner of the building I live in, has made it to age 84 with no immediate health issues. He does require eye drops everyday and an anti-viral due to the shingles a year ago that went to his eye. So get your shingles vaccine. I’ve had my first and waiting until I have a day or two to lay low after the 2nd shot. There were no side effects from the 1st shot but I’ve heard from folks and the doctor the 2nd shot can make you feel yucky.
Not too much news to report from the hotel I live in. Our house kitty, Brenda, became constipated yesterday. Thank goodness one of my housemates, took her to the vet to get relief since I am pet sitting for the next few weeks. Brenda is old, we think around 17, and really in pretty good shape for her age.
A friend of mine is coming for a few months this summer and will rent a room at the hotel. That will be fun.
Living at the hotel is such a good fit for my life right now. Very low rent, downtown living, even though it’s community living there is space for autonomy and privacy. A nice mix. My 3rd floor room is spacious with southern facing windows. I get my house and yard fix when I house sit. Presently, I am pet sitting for long time friends who happen to live next door to a house I rented for years tucked into a central quiet neighbor hood. I was touched yesterday when the owner who now lives in the house came out to say hello and mentioned I was her favorite renter. Again, it was the perfect little house for me when I moved back to Missoula in 2010.
My love of animals and babies has a place to go with a calendar full of pet sitting and babysitting. With mom’s permission I share with you some joy and the reason, my lips are numb today from going along with this little guy yesterday.
Enjoy your weekend and thanks for reading.

Making raspberries

I Love That I Ran Into You

( A Snippet on Running Into an Old Flame)

I love that I ran into you, that you have moved back to town.
I love our weekly outings: coffee dates, a stroll in the woods, dinner and/or a movie, our conversations.

I love that you looked me in the eye and apologized for your past dishonesty and I accepted and told you we wouldn’t be sitting together if I didn’t believe you were sincere.

I love that you brought dinner and presents over on Christmas eve.
I love our capacity to have fun together, to have meaningful conversations.

I love our shared past, the magical walks during movie perfect snowfall, our travels, slow mornings, and the time in between before it was time to cook dinner together.

I love that I have come to love my autonomy in the six years since I was with you, that I am not interested in romance or partnership.
I love that I love you and you love me.
I love our companionship.

Christmas and New Year’s

True to form, I tried to pretend Christmas was just another day. After getting the dog I was caring for out for a walk, I streamed the newest season (all ten episodes) of Emily in Paris on Netflix. It’s mindless, actually kinda silly, the clothes are outrageous but it was perfect for the situation.
I’m happy to be pet sitting regularly again, a sign of healing progress. A client has already booked me for December, 2023!
I still don’t have an appetite and have to make myself eat something. In talking with a friend who went through chemo/radiation she had the same experience. She lost weight after treatment. She assured me it will get better. My energy has improved, maybe a result of acupuncture. Acupuncturist continues to work on digestive issues.
We are on the heels of 2023. I’m not one to make resolutions. However, I am contemplating where I will place my attention in the coming year. This past year I was derailed by the legal process in an attempt to see my grandchildren again, then anal cancer. Certainly the two go hand in hand. 2021 I almost finished my memoir. 2022 I had no energy for it. My hope for 2023 is to complete the last few chapters.
I’ve signed up for my first in person writing class since Covid, Big Truths in Small Spaces through the Missoula Writing Collaborative taught by Barry Maxwell. I’m mainly nervous that is a 6:00 in the evening class. I’ve been falling asleep at 7:30 most nights since treatment. So wish me luck.
New Year’s Day I’ll be at the hotel (no pet sitting) cooking black-eyed peas for good luck and collard greens for prosperity. House mates will gather to share a meal and start the year off on a good note.

Happy New Year
Thanks for reading.

How We Think and Talk about Suicide

The news of tWitch’s suicide this week was surprising. I thought he had it all, a career, beautiful wife and three children. I was an Ellen DeGeneres show watcher. At 4:00 I was ready to sit down for a bit, maybe have some popcorn. It always made me happy, all the things she did to help others. tWitch was Ellen’s side kick on the show, an amazing dancer, always, smiling. I remember his wife coming on the show, dancing with him. I remember the birth of their last child. But what we never know is what is going on inside someone’s head, which is where most of us live.
This morning I came across a CNN Opinion piece by Mel Robbins about tWitch and our views of suicide. She hit the nail on the head. I hope you read it. People who commit suicide aren’t selfish. They may not want to end their life but they want the pain to end, whatever the source of that pain: mental illness or situational.
I know this as someone who has attempted suicide and lost my daddy to suicide. After I attempted suicide, I went to a therapist, the late Jon Garlinghouse, who specialized in suicide. I asked him, “Why did I go to this place.” “It was an option that provided relief” he wisely told me. It was true, I was so tired of the pain resulting from the end of relationship, I wanted relief, I wanted the pain to end.
I remember in a writing class, I once wrote and shared about my daddy’s suicide. A classmate spoke up, declaring I should be mad at my father for doing this to me. What she said pissed me off. I had watched my father struggle all his life with his mental illness and alcoholism. He was tired damn it and I understood that. I was mostly sad that my daddy had suffered so much pain, that it got bad enough he wanted it to end.
As Mel states, “This is why I feel so adamant that we change the way we think and talk about suicide. Saying this is selfish or the fault of the victim is simply ignorant and tremendously hurtful to family members who loved someone who lost their battle.”

https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/16/opinions/twitch-suicide-be-kind-robbins/index.html
https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/14/entertainment/stephen-boss-twitch-dead/index.html

The Body is Nonfiction

“Now I am here as a witness, not a victim.”

The Brevity Blog

Learning to become aware of our story at a cellular level

By Charlotte Wilkins

It’s old but flawlessly restored, glinting metallic new-penny paint, a color that didn’t exist “back then.” A Chevy pickup, the 1940’s shape unmistakable. I’ll have to wait till it passes to pull into the street.

The truck reels past, the shutter freezing on a single frame in my windshield. Sound, movement, thought, breath all suspended, my fingers clamp round the steering wheel, foot jams harder on the brake. Bodily reactions leaving brain cells to catch up or ‘fess up. In The Body Keeps the Score, noted trauma specialist Bessel Van der Kolk, MD writes, “trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body.”

Now there’s a catch in my mind like a crochet hook reaching, turning, dipping…

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Free from Treatment!

It’s official. I have a certificate to prove it. I’ve completed the required chemo/radiation to burn this butt of a tumor. My appointment with the surgeon is December 15th to confirm we beat it.

Meantime, I plan to rest. After they handed me my “diploma” on Friday. the radiation techs, who feel like family now, followed up with a warning, “the side effects will get worse before they get better.”
This morning I woke up at 8:30, late for me. I feel exhausted. Today, I’m staying put in my pajamas and going no where. I’m getting used to sitting on my side (always been a side sleeper) since the radiation burn makes it hard to sit flat and upright.

It has been my urge to nap each time I had to get myself together and out the door for 2:00 radiation. Now I will be able to rest.

My first dog sit is scheduled the week after Thanksgiving for a couple of weeks. It will be welcomed. My clients, fully aware I’m just coming out of treatment have graciously offered alternatives for days I may not feeling like getting their sweet dog out for a walk. Their home offers opportunity to rest, complete with big screen TV, streaming channels, gas fireplace and a dog who is allowed on the couch for cuddling. I’m so lucky. I will miss our house kitty, Brenda. We’ve become quite attached to each other even more so the past six weeks.

That’s the latest. I am tired and won’t write anymore for now.

Thanks as always for reading.

Love, Frances

Week 5 of cancer treatment

This is the hard part. They warned me these last two weeks may be the worse. I’ve been nauseated since Friday. Can’t eat. No energy. I make myself go outside and stand in the sun. It’s lonely. It’s unsettling. I fear I will die alone, but many of us do.
I want to hear my family’s voices.

That’s today and the past few days. This too shall pass.